Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
