I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
