I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
