forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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