This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
