If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
