Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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