One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
