I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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