Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
