You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
