I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
