I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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