Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
