Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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