just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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