if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
