I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm at about main and main street
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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