I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
