Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
