So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
