2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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