dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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