I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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