Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
