I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
