did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think brook has ever known best
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
