From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
