dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
