having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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