Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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