Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
