Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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