At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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