i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
