I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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