I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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