He kissed a someone with a penis
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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