I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize