I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
