I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
