yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
