Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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