you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
