you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
