yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
