I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
