Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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