Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
