The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
