there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
