Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
