And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
