Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
