I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
