I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
