So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
