Sry I called you an 8
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
