shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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