I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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