woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will be naked everywhere
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
